How to Stop Your Anxious Cycles
We have all found ourselves in that spot. The one where we don’t want to do the thing: write the paper, hit send on that email, have that hard conversation, or fold the damn laundry.
Because maybe once you start doing the thing, it gets complicated. And you’re left feeling overwhelmed.
As I sit here typing this blog post, I am thinking about all the other things I could do to avoid this one task. And truthfully, I’ve done almost everything else I could do to avoid writing this post. Because writing this blog means putting myself out there. I’m opening myself up to the potential of outside judgment. Thoughts float into my head like: who will even read this?
The Avoidance Trap
The big thing happening here is avoidance. The hope is that because we’re avoiding the dreaded task, we are able to escape the discomfort of doing it. I’m sure it won’t come as a shock that we still have to do the things we avoid.
While this instinct to avoid is normal, here’s why that strategy doesn’t work: When we avoid thinking about things, it can actually increase our thoughts about it. To not think about it, we have to think about it.
For example: Try this exercise out.
Notice what you’re thinking about at this moment. Now, don’t think about a yellow jeep.
Chances are, you weren’t thinking about a yellow jeep moments prior. And now that I’ve introduced the idea, it’s on your mind. And in order to NOT think about the image of a yellow jeep, you have to remember to think about it. It takes more energy from us to not think about the thought.
The same thing happens when we’re trying to avoid things that cause us stress. Luana Marques, PhD, an associate professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, explains avoidance can deeply influence us AND we can manage it with the appropriate tools.
So how do we work around this procrastination and the trap of avoidance?
Eat the Frog
Introducing the “just do it” of therapy: Eat the Frog.
I know it sounds weird. But hear me out.
The saying is a quote from Mark Twain. It goes like this: "if the first thing you do each morning is to eat a live frog, you can go through the day with the satisfaction of knowing that that is probably the worst thing that is going to happen to you all day long."
Hopefully no one is faced with actually eating a frog! With this strategy, we’re trying to focus on one task. Your “frog” is the most difficult, important or dreaded task ahead of you. Whatever you feel the most unmotivated to do.
So here’s what you do:
Get clear on the challenging task you are avoiding.
Set your day up so the task is the first thing you tackle that day.
Because here’s what happens next: it’s over. You’ve done it. The hardest thing is already out of the way. Everything you could control has now happened. There’s a freedom in knowing you’ve done what we can and accomplished what we set out to do.
When you’re able to complete stressful tasks, you also build confidence. Knowing you can handle more, is an empowering feeling. You learn there’s more you can do.
So, what is your frog?
Let that challenge be a call to action!
Maybe you know what your frog is, but you’re running into barriers you’d like another perspective on. Therapy can provide that space to process. Let’s figure out solutions that work for you. Feel free to reach out for a consultation call.
Talk soon,
Eva
For further reading:
Marques, L. (2023, June 16). Avoidance, not anxiety, may be sabotaging your life. Washington Post. https://www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/2023/06/16/avoidance-not-anxiety-patterns-strategies/
Tracy, B (2017): ‘Eat That Frog!: 21 Great Ways to Stop Procrastinating and Get More Done in Less’; Oakland, CA; Berrett-Koehler Publishers, Inc.